Vancouver's Elevators Now Displaying Rider's Weight

The Most Beautiful City In The Whole Wide World

The city that likes to call itself 'The Most Beautiful City In The Whole Wide World', Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, is taking it's claim to new heights. 

~ $70 million will be spent to retro-fit the city's 257,000 plus elevators with sensors that will display each rider's weight in the floor at their feet.

~A further $200 mill will be spent on the FACE4000 scanner which will score each rider's face for symmetry, lack of blemish, grooming.

~'International Urban Beauty Index Score': Riders with high scores will be offered coupons coupons for local cafes and nightclubs where The City of Vancouver wants beautiful people to congregate in order to increase the city's 'Urban Beauty Index Score' which right now has it slightly behind front runner, Edinborough, Scotland.

"Vancouver is a beautiful city full of beautiful people and we want to keep it that way so really the weight display and Face4000 scanner is only the beginning of a really exciting technological advancement." says Trudy Spencer-Flint the city's 'Director of Beautification'.

Riders may want to hit this! 

 The city's willingness to spend money on something many might find trivial considering the tremendous issues Vancouver faces with homelessness, violence, disenfranchisement, transit, water quality, eduction funding and the dip in tourism doesn't bother Spencer-Flint. 

"The city's willingness to spend money on something many find trivial doesn't bother me because this is is an important advancement for the health of Vancourverites. We want to see those elevator numbers drop year after year until our ridership is predominately in the double zero to zero size range. We will save millions in health care costs."

Regarding the Face Scanner 4000 TLC,  an advanced version of current law enforcement face scanning technologies, that will rate the attractiveness of a rider's face Spencer-Flint had this to say, "This is not to say that ugly people have no value in society, I mean if you didn't have someone to compare beautiful people to how would you know they were beautiful, so you need ugly people, they are like the night sky. You need the dark to see the stars. They are the dark matter in the background allowing the stars to shine."

Trudy Spencer-Flint, Director of Beautification, City of Vancouver

Spencer-Flint then smiled and offered a suggestion, "Perhaps the night could be given over to the ugly people in Vancouver. That's when they can work and play. The day would be for the light and the beautiful people and that would ensure Vancouver's place as 'The Most Beautiful City In The World."


Tourism Vancouver is expecting no drop in tourists visiting the city because of the new elevator system but they are expecting a 95% drop in elevator ridership.